My Journey Through the Stages of Red Pill


This will be a series post on my convoluted and excruciating journey toward red pill deprogramming–there is much to cover and I hope to be as concise and detailed with my experiences as possible.

My upbringing as a normal and average middle class American was not an unusual one.

As a late 30’s Gen-Xer, I grew up in an era that did not behoove nor galvanize today’s ever-evolving left vs. right extremism, and thus like most people, I was very comfortable and obliged to be a head-in-the-sand moderate. Early on I adopted my parents’ sort of JFK Democrat idealism being a patriotic American liberal while remaining very socially conservative.

I was Catholic before I left the church in 2000 for being corrupt and apostate and I have always been against abortion and homosexuality. My entire life I’ve always been pro-gun and pro-death penalty, and for the most part I had been a staunch anti-immigration, patriotic nationalist. Despite today’s incessant leftist garbage being propagandized 24/7 throughout the media this was the universal norm–no one liked immigration, especially the immigrants who came here legally and called themselves “American” sans any hyphens and sans any anti-white, anti-American hatred.

Like most Westerners I’d spent a large majority of my life having been heavily brainwashed by media and academia. When I began to rise to far right fury from my bluepill slumber in 2010, it was as though some uniquely alien monstrosity invaded me and took my entire being hostage–many changes, unpleasant and uplifting, both physical and mental, began to manifest within me seemingly without my control. I couldn’t stop what was happening to me and the incessant information-pilfering and “truth seeking” began subsuming my entire existence.

I’ve never watched “The Matrix” yet I know instinctually the connotations behind all of the familiar red pill, rabbit hole neologisms–this universalized movement and its various stages are in lockstep with some sort of metaphysical phenomenon common among a select and albeit growing group of people. We are going through this together, in some mysterious and spiritual way.

I do not believe the average man, even less so any woman, can become red pill. Since I am a woman I can only expand on my personal perspective of red pill theory from a woman’s perspective. While I believe men are much more naturally inclined and perceptive to becoming red pill, women as a rule don’t become red pill without an extraordinary set of circumstances in place to necessitate the confronting of the truth.

In my experience, only the following types of women are/can/will become red pill:

  • Women deriving from nuclear family households particularly, those raised around lots of male figures
  • Women who are to a vast extent religious
  • Women who are damaged aka have faced extreme hardship, who have had to endure personal struggles without a common “life line” i.e. falling back on a system of support (women who are impoverished, have gone through prostitution, have survived emotional, physical and/or sexual abuse, etc.)
  • Women who are extremely attractive and have fully experienced the brutal underpinnings of the sexual market and thoroughly understand the competitive nature of both men and women (I’m going to discuss this far more in-depth in a later post)
  • Women who are old, unattractive and are peri-menopausal to post-menopausal, who have endured the catastrophic loss of hitting the wall

While none of these processes are a guarantee that a woman will become red pill, they are certainly an indicator of the favorable conditions in which the possibility a woman can become red pill can be actualized–in order to examine the truth, women, who are essentially coddled in every sector of modern society from cradle to grave, have to endure extremes on one or both ends of the life spectrum to fully understand human nature and the all-encompassing sort of human “Darwinian” order, aka red pill.

For the most part, average and unattractive women and women who don’t have a springboard upon which they can experience real life struggles, or by contrast, heightening immense pleasures, nor those who have not experienced any incredibly viscerally spiritual, physical or social phenomena cannot accept red pill truths–in other words, women have to know “the thrill of victory, and the agony of defeat” (delightful to use this phrase during this year’s summer Olympics) before they will swallow the red pill and willfully accept it.

I myself as a woman have endured many losses and many triumphs. I’ve lived a very colorful life that has pushed me in the direction of the red pill without me initially understanding what would eventually happen to me years down the road. I never envisioned that I would wake up one day relinquishing my previous truths to go on a sort of painful spiritual rebellion against all that I’d known and was led to believe. That in itself is an extreme hardship.

What isn’t unique to me however, is that my red pill deprogramming occurred for me in stages that are universal to most anyone you ask who has wadded through the putrid, murky swamp of unfiltered red pill truths–it’s like giving birth or getting cancer, and in the end it’s only yours to decide exactly what you choose to do with it.

Wikileaks and Julian Assange

Wikileaks is gaining considerable ground in the news lately for exposing Hillary Clinton shenanigans that are unsurprising to anyone who is halfway informed and stays abreast on world events.

However, in 2010 I hadn’t heard of Julian Assange or Wikileaks until they were catapulted into the then “conservative” Huffington Post media for publishing the State Department cables leaked by Bradley Manning. I’d gained a fever pitch obsession with this scandal and Assange himself–I became an obsessed fangirl with Assange immediately overnight as I saw him as a modern day Robin Hood. I couldn’t believe the extent of the persecution he had endured at hands of the American federal government–I immediately deemed him a rockstar, a martyr and a legend.

Admittedly the corruption that came out of the Wikileaks scandal at the time seemed unprecedented to most people but I’d long been awakened to nefarious globalism since Bill Clinton signed NAFTA in 1994. I was then merely a high school girl, but even I knew the North American Federal Trade Agreement was extraordinarily horrible.

By late 2010/early 2011 I had to unplug from the internet and social media altogether for nearly a year. I had what some experience as information mania overload in the red pill deprogramming process. It was getting to the point that my husband thought I was virtually going insane and I had to physically and mentally disengage from all of it to keep my entire home and personal life from falling apart. I came back rested and renewed and started my new journey as what I refer to present day as a libertardian.

From center-right to libertarian

By 2012 I felt entirely alienated and disenfranchised by the two-party system of Republican neocons and Democrat proto-communists thus I lapped up the opportunity to vindicate my hopelessness by becoming a zealot libertarian. I began going to “big L” affiliated libertarian meetings and campaigned with both young and old white, nerdy betas and omegas (I was one of just 3 females out of countless males) who were for the most part small government fanatics in accord with being cultural rejects and full-fledged cultural Marxists. I initially took refuge in ignoring and tolerating the socially cultural degradations the Libertarian Party promoted so that I could indulge in Austrian economics conjecture and small government aphorism.

I figured I could just willfully ignore the cultural Marxist social insanity that libertarians endlessly promoted–that is until I began to express my dismay at their hypocrisies and anti-human insanity.

They don’t support traditional heterosexual marriage and family, but express feverish support for gay marriage and gay adoption.

They support small government yet all the guys in my local chapter worked for big government.

They say privatization is a fundamental right but promote open borders.

They think labeling GMO food is government encroachment but don’t think the same of the government forcing a bakery to bake a cake for gay people.

As I mentioned, I began to express my distaste for their absurd and reprehensible social positions and in typical liberal communist style they attempted to name, shame and maim me–any deviation from their cultural Marxist insanity and they attack you like rabid, blood thirsty dogs. That was my first real experience with the intolerance and hate typical of hypocrite liberals who preach tolerance and open-mindedness for everyone–everyone except the bigoted, hateful, racist people who disagree with them, of course. I was then unofficially ousted from the party and I left on my own accord.

The Libertarian Party as I knew it 2012 had the most socially liberal positions of any party at the time–even typical liberal Democrats weren’t as socially far left as libertarians. Liberal Democrats weren’t pushing marijuana legalization, euthanasia or the widespread consumption of GMO frankenfoods like libertarians–even the liberals had their limits. From what I’ve heard today, libertarians are virtually unrecognizable to the party as I knew it even 4 years ago. I’m glad I got out when I did, these cretins were insufferable enough, I cannot fathom what the party has undoubtedly regressed into today.

Stay tuned for the followup on this post. In the meantime, comment below and tell me about your own personal red pill journey. I’m always curious as to how people have ended up here.

  • Although I do associate myself with people who’ve taken the Red Pill, I admit that I’m probably more accurately Black Pill. I’m not really proud of this, but it’s just what it is and where I am. I’m going back and forth from Red to Black and back. For one, I’m a woman with an INFJ/P friendly Labrador-type personality who loves to get along with people, without actually burying my head in the sand. Tribalistically, I join a pack in order to ensure survival of my young and so live at peace with men for the most part, I fit in Molyneux’s theory on women, for sure.

    Secondly, mysticism is to blame for my nihilism. Although I consider myself a Christian, I’m very much aware of the corruption of churches, of religions both big and small, and how they’ve been co-opted and masked by the very things Red Pillers hate. My introduction to mysticism is probably what got me most awake and aware, but it’s the same thing that made me not care about waking anyone else up except for those who I see being on a similar path, or at least treading closer to it. Again, this is not something I choose to do. It’s just what I tend to do.

    I know what probably must be done, but I implode. This is what makes me a suitable wife for the Red Pill man to balance me out, and vice versa. My husband’s sickness was the catalyst to his becoming awake. Medical conspiracies lead to government conspiracies, and my exposure to esoteric information was a good match for what he tends to geek out on.

    Back in middle school (90s), I also hacked people I just didn’t like! Haha. I then became interested in ethical hacking, and that drew me in that subculture with people who cared about justice and wanted to expose corruption. Of course, just like with any affiliation, I was and is against a lot of things Anonymous-type people are into. Shows like the new Mr. Robot make me so mad. A lot of these hackers just want plain anarchy, so they’re still useful pawns for the gamer maker. For the most part, I really like Assange and Snowden.

    I probably could write more on this, but this is what I have in mind right now to share. As usual, great post. It was nice to hear your backstory 🙂

    • It’s interesting that you say you go back and forth between black pill and red pill. I’ll admit that black pill thought wanders into my psyche quite frequently–it’s because our culture and society has become so thoroughly unbearable that it’s easy to be a nihilist.

      I too am an INFJ–which probably ties into being black pill because we feel what the culture rot is doing to the people around us. It’s easy to become drained and discouraged. You mentioned mysticism, can you be more specific? Some examples would be great although I will be picking your brain for an upcoming post, I’m genuinely curious what sort of “magic” you partake in? 🙂

      And speaking of mysticism, have you tried hypnosis?? I plan on writing a couple of posts on it and how it has helped me personally to deal with the madness and stress that can be wrought on by going red pill. As I mentioned before, a sort of madness accompanies taking the red pill and I’ve had to find some other useful ways to cope with it, one for me being hypnosis.

      • INFJs can see a bit more through that spiritual veil compared to others, which makes them excellent psychics 😉 Also the fact that we supposedly make up 1% of the population feed into our elitism!

        Let me DM you to answer your question. 🙂

  • Rebuy

    Hi Melissa, I listened to your podcast on Red-ice. I really like the blog and find your attitude toward life to be refreshing. I guess as a single American man, I wish there were more females who embraced your brand of traditionalism. It’s depressing because the culture is so toxic that women like you are needles in haystakcs.

    It’s funny, I used to attend such libertarian gatherings and while I found the people to be earnest, I was also horrified by the SJW nature of their social policies.

    Cheers, continue to live well and keep up the great blog,

  • observerBG

    I understood what was happening after the 2012 US election. I felt that something isn’t right with the West. Kevin Macdonald was the one who opened my eyes. His Culture of Critique. As well as Richard Lynn.

    I also felt that there are two red pills: one about ethnic/racial relations, and another about gender relations. Understanding the one issue helped me to understand the other.

    The most important thing that i understood: People are very different. There is no such thing as equality, and it never existed. Studying and learning about those differences will make you wise. If you want to understand the world, you must go through this path. If you do not like it, try to get better and improve yourself.

  • Tooj

    I will propose that it is entirely possible to be an alpha woman. It’s difficult without exposure to another alpha.

  • Starchecker

    I agree, I have always felt that libertarians are liberals that don’t have the guts to say it. Social liberal policies ALWAYS lead to fiscal liberal policies as the breakdown of society is what forces the government to step in and fill the roles and clean up the mess. We either self govern or others will govern over us.

    Our founding fathers were very clear that our form of governance was wholly inadequate except for a moral and religious people.

    So the question is, are libertarians a Trojan horse or are they people that can see the evils of fiscal liberalism but don’t want to give up their pet sins.